Youth Pastor Loses Hope

I lost hope for many reasons. With several obese family members including 4 uncles over 300 lbs two of whom are over 400, I was certain that my ‘genetic code’ destined me for obesity. I had been overweight my entire life. Maybe I was cursed. Maybe I was just born this way. Regardless, I believed that I was going to be obese forever. Those are the cards I had been dealt; at least, that is what I believed.

On May 22^nd, 2009 I reluctantly embarked on a journey. At my all-time highest weight of 294 lbs, my wife encouraged me to sign up for Weight Watchers (or WW as we abbreviate it) online with her. Basically, we would track our food online without the time commitment of the typical meetings for which WW is known. I didn’t have hope that it would work. However, I knew that I had to try, if not for myself, for my wife. And so, with a few clicks of the mouse, the journey began.

I can tell you many things that I have learned on my journey. I learned about nutrition which is something I knew very little about. I learned what foods I can substitute so that I can still eat enough to stay satisfied and still lose weight. I learned how to exercise in a way that is manageable with my schedule. I even learned how to splurge. All of these things were valuable lessons and were critical for success on my journey. However, the most important lessons were internal ones:

Lesson 1 - Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that comes true because of the belief that it will. In my case, I believed so deeply that I was destined to be overweight that I would make choices that would lead me down this path. For example, I would not exercise because I believed that I was too fat to get out there and try it. I would eat more than I should because I believed that being large meant I needed massive amounts of food to survive. In reality, I was living out a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ that led to me being almost 300 lbs. I lost hope because I believed that I was ‘destined’ to be that way. Now, I know that I don’t have to live that way. I can make choices lead me down a healthy path toward a safe, comfortable

weight.

Lesson 2 - Seriousness of My Situation: A recent study published in Science Daily said people who are over 80 lbs overweight are short-changing their life by 10 years. That’s right! By living at 294 lbs (100 lbs or more overweight), I was likely to lose at least 10 years of life. I had to come to grips with the fact that I was gambling with my life. And, through wrestling with this reality, I decided that it was time to make a change.

Lesson 3 - Self-Esteem: By far, the most important internal lesson I had to learn was one of self-esteem. Before my weight loss I believed that I was only valuable when I am serving other people. Taking time to exercise or focus on myself seemed selfish to me. I would give my left arm to serve others, but would not take that time for myself. And, if it came down to priorities, if there was an item on my to-do list or someone to serve, I would choose to do for others ahead of myself.

This all sounds very spiritual – after all, Jesus Himself defined love as self-sacrifice saying “greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). What I realized, though, was that by taking care of myself, choosing to be healthy and in control, I am offering a better version of myself to others. I cannot give fully of myself without taking care of me. Jesus, when asked about the most important commandments, also said “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). We can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves. I had to realize that I am worth the investment of being healthy and give myself permission to take time for myself. As I daily choose to take some time to love and serve myself, I offer a better version of me to love and serve others.

From Losing Hope to Losing Hope: In the end, I did lose Hope (see the picture). Hope is a Junior in 212°, the high school ministry at Calvary Church, where I am the youth pastor. Hope weighs 87 lbs. To date, I have lost 105 lbs. Losing Hope has taken me nearly a year. I can honestly say at this point, though, that I am happier and feeling more confident than I have ever felt in my entire life. My wife, Laura, has lost 55 lbs and is now at 4 months of maintaining her goal weight. My journey is not over and I am certain that I will learn more along the way. But, for now, I am thankful for my journey from losing hope to losing Hope.